"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
--p 417 Alcoholics Anonymous
None of us know the details surrounding our friends death, but it was truly so comforting that I saw us all reach out towards one another today when we all were feeling such immense pain at the loss of a friend. These experiences and others which cause us pain are good measures of our spiritual strength and progress; I am learning each and every day that I really can face these seemingly insurmountable things and the biggest difference is I am no longer facing them alone.
My sponsor called me after I had shared the news with him and he said that even though this was my first loss I've faced in the rooms, it most certainly would not be the last. I don't know what the circumstances were surrounding his death, nor do I wish to start any rumors, but I've also realized that the people who go back out, who part from the fellowship and die before they've had a chance to return, are my greatest teachers. That the selfish thoughts of "better you than me" were natural and we do in fact learn the most from those that do not return.
I know that it is ok to feel this pain; I don't need to try to numb it out or hide anything; these are just feelings, and these too shall pass. Man, talk about progress. Today I will repeat "Thy Will Be Done" as many times as necessary and ask for the right thoughts or actions even if I don't understand the present circumstances. I don't have to understand them, but I do need to accept them. Once I am able to do that, I will know peace and serenity.
Here's to doing the next right thing.